


Living High-Class like a Beautiful Doll

by Ki_no_Shirayuki



Series: 摺箔 — Surihaku [23]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Arguing, Bickering, Bishounen, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Clothing Porn, Crossdressing, Cute Ending, Disguise, Dolls, Escape, Fanservice, Festivals, Flirting, Hina Matsuri, Hot, Humor, Japanese Culture, Katsura is the Straight Man, Kimono, Kissing, Light-Hearted, M/M, Omake, Purple Prose, Random & Short, Running Away, Snark, Stupidity, Swearing, The Author is Proving She's Not a Weeaboo, Tsundere Katsura Kotarou, WTF, You Have Been Warned, lots and lots of snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-22 03:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9582215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ki_no_Shirayuki/pseuds/Ki_no_Shirayuki
Summary: Two adult men's fooling around on Girls' Day.And Yukiko's being uncharacteristically Lemony.





	1. Living High-Class like a Beautiful Doll

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pyrrhic_victoly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyrrhic_victoly/gifts), [deargodwhatisthatthing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deargodwhatisthatthing/gifts).



> Title: from Koyasu Takehito song "House of Love." Watch the [live performance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phEMhVttkcc) (NSFW) in order to understand one of the gags in this fic.

There was a surprising amount of activities in Edo for a day meant to be a family celebration and not a national holiday. For one, the Hina Matsuri Arts & Crafts Outdoor Exhibit was in full swing, where artists and craftsmen from all over the country gathered to have their painstakingly and splendidly crafted works displayed… Oh who am I kidding here? It was the Doll Festival for kami's sakes! There was literally _nothing_ but _hina_ dolls on carpeted platforms after _hina_ dolls on carpeted platforms after _hina_ dolls on carpeted platforms! Well, to be honest, there _were_ stalls here and there that sold all sorts of delicious festive treats from _hanami-dango_ , colorful _hina-arare_ rice crackers to diamond-shaped tricolor _hishimochi_ along with countless other types of _wagashi_ that were both pleasant to look at and to eat, and if I remember correctly, Gintoki and Kagura had eaten _all_ of the sweets one of those stalls had to offer without having enough money to pay for them, causing Shinpachi to go on an absolute rampage, but that's a story for another time. Right now, the main focus would be on the only saving grace of this sorry exhibition, the Life-Sized Emperor and Empress Dolls ~~otherwise known as Mannequins~~. They were frankly the only thing people went to see besides the food ~~which should be telling you something if people flocked to the exhibit only to see _mannequins_ of all things~~. It was said these ~~mannequins~~ dolls were not only life-sized, they were also so amazingly realistic one would think them real people dressed in Heian court dress rather than ~~mannequins~~ dolls. Little did people know that _-gasp-_ they **were** real people dressed in Heian court dress rather than ~~mannequins~~ dolls.

By now, Katsura was less concerned with his disguising as a ~~mannequin~~ Life-Sized Doll in place of one of the ~~mannequins~~ Life-Sized Dolls in order to see the ~~mannequins~~ Life-Sized Dolls not being a very good idea than the fact that he was nearly cooking under _twelve_ layers of brocade. Did I mention he was dressing as the _Empress_ rather than the Emperor? But his disguise was effective nonetheless, never mind the fact that more than one child had told their parents or whomever adults tagging along with them, "That doll is just like a real person; look, she's even fanning herself!" and that, upon passing the display, Shinsengumi Vice-commander Hijikata Toushirou commented that one of the pair of ~~mannequins~~ dolls looked "suspiciously familiar" until his superior Kondou brushed his concern aside saying it was because he "put too much mayonnaise into the _chirashizushi_ he just ate" before dragging Hijikata away in order to treat him to _shirozake_. But still, nothing happened to Katsura yet, and for that, he was glad.

"How very beautiful are the peach blossoms today, but how they all pale next to the ethereal beauty that is you, my Empress."

"I'm not Empress, I'm Katsura!" he responded instinctively to the sudden voice coming from his right before an _oh wait…_ realization struck him, and he peered to the side. He mustered all his might to keep calm as he held his fan higher to obscure his mouth and said, "Takasugi. What business have you here? And if you're here _before_ me, what happened to the Emperor doll?"

"Allow me to be entirely honest." Takasugi replied, holding his _shaku_ to his mouth as he started to giggle. He was normally good-looking enough, but when he was donning a deep purple _sokutai_ with bronze floral patterns and a tall, black _kanmuri_ hat whose straps tied into a neat bow beneath his chin accentuated his handsome face, Takasugi looked downright _regal_ , if not _imposing_ with a touch of mysteriousness thanks to the bandages and bangs over his left eye. The added glory of a gilded paper screen behind him and a pink _bonbori_ lantern next to him didn't exactly help the case, "I left him floating down the river. Isn't that what you do to dolls on this day?"

"No shit!" Katsura rebutted, which might come off as baffling for the readers considering how outrageous it would be for a Heian noblewoman to swear so liberally, but this wasn't a Heian noblewoman, this was Katsura, so never mind, "That's what you do to _floating_ dolls, not those supposed to be on display! I thought you would know better than I do about this, since you had _three_ sisters while I had none!"

"Do you think I care that much about details? I only _destroy_ ; I will burn this corrupted country to ashes and with that this ten-times-damned Girls' Day. That way, I won't have to worry which dolls are supposed to be sent down the river, which ones on the shelf."

"Nice job foiling your own evil scheme there! What will you do when the exhibition closes for the day and it's time to leave? You can't just change clothes and go; if you don't return the doll exactly the way he was, people will _definitely_ notice that he is missing! Then I bet keeping your head between your shoulders will be nigh impossible, much less burning this country to ashes."

"Are you underestimating me? Do you think the Demon Army Commander would lose to some Bakufu's dogs so easily? Well, should that happen, I won't lose my head alone. The Empress doll whose clothing you stripped that you left right next to me, _out in the open_? I kicked her into the river. Do you think I would be so shameless as to just sit here ogling a naked doll? For your information, I'm not that pleased about my voice actor's infamous live performance either."

Katsura gripped his fan so tightly his hands trembled as he longed to whack Takasugi on the head with it, " _You really are a lost cause_."

Takasugi laughed again, and together they settled into silence, as though they _were_ ~~mannequins~~ dolls, ignoring one more instance of "they look familiar" this time coming from Gintoki before a certain lavender-haired kunoichi jumped out of nowhere calling him out on his "looking at another woman" and Shinpachi came along urging Gintoki to resume his work sweeping garbage on the ground in return for all the food he ate. It was a long while before either of the disguisers started talking, and it was Katsura who did, "You still haven't told me what business you have here. The Shogun is not showing up."

"You truly are as silly as always. This isn't episode 17. Can't I just attend an event because I _enjoy_ it? You know how I can't miss merrymaking."

Katsura had to resist saying _gee, I wonder which one of us is the sillier one right now_.

"Kotarou."

"Hmm?" his attention was roused by the use of his first name.

"This event is excellent indeed, but the most excellent of it all has to be _you_ , in twelve layers of shimmering colors… I almost thought you not Katsura Kotarou, but a lady stepping out straight from the tale of Genji; not an Edo man, but a Heian woman; not…"

"Spare me the sweet talk! It's come down to this and you're still trying to get into my pants? For your information, it's hot as all _motherfucking_ hell in these 'twelve layers of shimmering colors!' Can't believe this is what noblewomen wore _every day_ back then! You better appreciate what _you're_ wearing, because it's _way_ lighter, thinner, and…" Katsura hesitated, "… and I think you look good in it too."

At this, Takasugi gave him his highly uncharacteristic, disarming smile that made his heart flutter for a fleeting moment, " _Thank you_."


	2. That Troubled Expression So Typical of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just an omake. You really don't wanna read this.

Now, in case any of you wonder what happened to the two after the outdoor exhibition: they were finally discovered by the Shinsengumi. Don't have to worry for them though. They had kept the "Bakufu's dogs" busy for long enough with one of Katsura's bombs which, by the way, was the _only_ weapon of any kind he carried with him that day, and he was only one layer short of stripping down to his _juban_ when he finally found it. They could not afford to be caught up with, and so they ran as fast as their robe-clad bodies could carry them, away from the exhibition area by the river, into a crowded street where they caught the attention of just about _everyone_ , toppling over a cart whose owner then screamed to the high heavens, "NOOOO! MY POTATOES!" and finally into a narrow alley, Takasugi holding Katsura's hand throughout. It might not be the most appropriate time, but hell, one does have to wonder how on Earth did Takasugi manage to look so drop-dead gorgeous even as he was running for his life. I mean, Takasugi in Heian clothes was a delight in and of itself, but just look at the way those long sleeves flew behind him, revealing layers of colors as he ran, the way he occasionally turned around to tell Katsura something, be it to inform him of a safe passageway he knew or to ask Katsura whether _he_ knew of a safe passageway, and you can see his face, that flushing and panting along with how his bandages were starting to slip from their place… excuse me while I go wipe the blood from my nose.

He looked nothing like his friend, who… scratch that, Katsura was damn hot too, even as the splendid _jūnihitoe_ he wore before was then reduced to nothing more than his undergarment and only as little as a _kosode_ and a pair of _hakama_ trousers over it. Upon closer inspection, one might notice that even then Katsura's clothes seemed like they were about to fall off… The two finally approached a dead-end, and the noise they heard told them that the Shinsengumi was just around the corner. "What are you waiting for, Shinsuke?" Katsura said when he was already climbing halfway up the wall.

"Do you think I can climb the wall wearing these clothes?" Takasugi replied, at which Katsura immediately leapt off of the wall. He looked around; there were large cardboard boxes and trash bins littered around (no puns intended) that might make a perfect staircase. He looked back at his friend again.

"I'm sorry Shinsuke. I can't help it."

With that as the only warning, Katsura scooped Takasugi into his arms bridal-style before hopping from box to box, bin to bin until he was at a sufficient height to jump over the wall to the other side.

Excuse me while I squeal.

Together they sat at the foot of the wall catching their breaths, relieved as once again the Shinsengumi had lost track of their targets, confused and dumbfounded on the other side of the wall before they all decided to retreat. Katsura and Takasugi looked at one another as their surroundings grew quiet.

Hina Matsuri was over.

"Zura." Takasugi started between breaths, "Thanks for helping me."

"Not Zura, it's Katsura. You're welcome, but that _still_ doesn't make us any less enemies." Katsura said, "You want to know one thing I've learned from this? That is, we're lucky _not_ having been born in the Heian period."

"Like I would want to be carried by you again." Takasugi laughed before pulling his friend in for a deep kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG that was terrible lol.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't you just love Zura as the Straight Man…
> 
> Oh, and Shinsuke has three sisters in my headcanon because Takasugi Shinsaku had three sisters in real life lolz.


End file.
